Counting All His Diamonds (One by One, They do Fall)

Random Thoughts:

-My express bus was lapped by a later express bus today. Do I not understand the concept of express properly? Because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve a bus that runs 10 minutes behind lapping the bus in front of it.

-I’m going to kill the people at Office Depot for coming up with the most annoying and yet catchy commercial jingle I’ve heard in the last 5 years. It’s seriously bad when the first tune that comes to your mind at any given point in the day is a god-damn TV spot. In case you don’t have CNBC continuously on in your office like I do in mine, the ad involves some sort of disembodied hand in a shopping cart helping people at Office Depot by pointing in random directions and slam dunking items they choose into their cart. You can see the ad and listen to the jingle for yourself by clicking this link: Office Depot. And believe me, if you hear this ad more than five times in a day, you might find yourself going postal and joining a cult. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Now, drink this kool-aid.

-It’s a sad, sad state of affairs when “Epic Movie” is tops at the box office. Not that I’ve seen it, but it’s unbelievable how lazy and pathetic the movie seems. Hey, I’ve got a great idea: Let’s just compile a nonsensical plot starring the main characters of 15 movies that have come out in the last few years and make them act stupid! Brilliant! Superman getting shot in the eye instead of stopping the bullet? OMG, SO FUNNY, LOL! Admittedly, there are tons of movies out there that are worth parodying… but a drunken five year old with a mental disability could have come up with these jokes. Sigh.

-I’ve been waiting several years for the writers at 24 to incorporate Jack Bauer’s father into the mix. In fact, at the end of last season, I was convinced that they’d have to get Jack’s father to go bust Jack out of China in some sort of insane blaze of glory. This did not happen. Nevertheless, I was excited to learn that Papa Bauer was making an appearance this season and assumed that he would be a badass of untold proportions. While the badassitude of Daddy Bauer is still in question, I’m shocked that that a role so easily cast (Donald Sutherland anyone?) was botched. Where’s Donald? Who dropped the ball here? Is it too late to make a midseason switch? Dammit, where’s Donald? Because if Donald Sutherland isn’t involved, I can officially cheer for the death of the Daddy Jack.

-Kudos to Carmen Electra for getting her career back on track with Taco Bell ads. How has she not slipped into the world of porn yet? I mean, maybe she’s still above hardcore, but I’m pretty sure that if HBO approached her to be the lead in “Chesty Detective 3: Chesty Detectives,” she’d be there in a heartbeat.